


#squadgoals

by Mirecrire



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: A lot of cursing, Fluff, M/M, Memes, OOC, Pretty Setters Squad, Textfic, Texting, chatfic, chatrooms, references, so many headcannons, super crack, to a certain extent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-08
Updated: 2017-03-04
Packaged: 2018-08-20 05:07:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8237161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mirecrire/pseuds/Mirecrire
Summary: IlikeAdidas: there was one time captain was being mean to me and he made him sit in a cornerImNotKoreanFuckOff: holy shitMalk: oh my god someone more mom than sugawara sanPleaseShutUp: im so donemeowmeowmofo: welcome to my life





	1. Welcome to Hell™

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what made me write this but I did so yeah
> 
> Enjoy this goddamn mess

_ImNotKoreanFuckOff added Malk, meowmeowmofo, savemepls, Alienfucker1234, SassQueen, C1nnaMON, IlikeAdidas, PleaseShutUp, Imbetterthanu into ‘#squadgoals’_

 

 **savemepls** : what the fuck

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : what the actual fuck

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : Suga chan what is this for???? ∑(O_O;)

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : A group chat (＾▽＾)

 

 **SassQueen** : wat is with that name tho lmao

 

 **IlikeAdidas** : HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : wow thats a lot of exclamasion pnts

 

 **SassQueen** : wow u spelt exclamation wrongly lmao how r u in class 6 oikawa san

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : shut up yahaba chan!! ヾ(｀ヘ´)ﾉﾞ

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : anyway, what is this for

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : just a group chat containing all the setters (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : wait that means

 

 **Malk** : that emoticon doesn’t suit u suga san

 

_Alienfucker1234 has left the group chat_

_ImNotKoreanFuckOff added AlienFucker1234 to the group chat_

_AlienFucker 1234 has left the group chat_

_ImNotKoreanFuckOff added AlienFucker1234 to the group chat_

**ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : Oikawa!!!!!! o(TヘTo)

 

 **AlienFucker1234** : NO CRYING EMOJI WILL BE ABLE TO REDEEM YOUSELF SUGA CHAN

 

 **C1nnaMON** : I’m so lost.

 

 **IlikeAdidas** : Moniwa senpai!!!!!!!!!!!!! HI HI HI HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 **SassQueen** : Wow chill Adidas-san

 

 **SassQueen** : O shit now that I think abt it, idk most of u here

 

 **PleaseShutUp** : please read my screen name

 

 **IlikeAdidas** : :(

 

 **SassQueen** : :( :( :( :( :(

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : I h8 u so much rn suga chan

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : luv u 2 schmoopie pie (*¯ ³¯*)♡

 

 **Malk** : I still don’t know what this is for but im okay with this

 

 **Malk** : Also hello oikawa san

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : fuck off tobio chan

 

 **C1nnaMON** : So rude!!

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : So mean to my precious kouhai!!!!!!!

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : im gonna have a stern talking to with iwaizumi san

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : how do u know iwa chan’s number????? hell how do u know my number?????

 

 **Malk** : I told him

 

_Alienfucker1234 has left the group_

_ImNotKoreanFuckOff added Alienfucker1234 into the group_

 

 **imbetterthanu** : y does oikawa san keep leaving the group

 

 **SassQueen** : wow is this kageyama 2.0

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : kenjiro is here too wow this is such a #squad

 

 **Malk** : Kozume senpai, good evening

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : WHY DOES HE USE SENPAI WITH HIM BUT NOT ME

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : hello to u too tobio

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : maybe its bc I didn’t attempt to kill him, oikawa san

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : ….

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : we broke him

 

 **savemepls** : rip oikawa 2k16, he never did break a leg

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : wow coming in with a lighter and a flamethrower 10/10 keiji

 

_Alienfucker1234 has left the group_

_ImNotKoreanFuckOff added Alienfucker 1234 to the group_

 

 **SassQueen** : pls join seijoh we need your burns

 

 **savemepls** : ntq im chained to the hell that is fukurodani

 

 **savemepls** : hence the screen name

 

 **Malk** : Akaashi senpai!!!!!

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : wow now im offended like I can understand calling Kozume ‘senpai’ but wow calling Akaashi??? kageyama im disappointed in u

 

 **savemepls** : wow sugawara san u tryna fight me

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : come outside rn. I’ll meet u at the fucking pit

 

 **savemepls** : Kenma, hold my flower

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : go get em babe I got yo flower

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : u wanna fucking go

 

 **savemepls** : lets do this

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : on a date

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : O SHIT U DOOOOOOOO lmao sry im taken

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : taken by satan lmao goodbye sugawara

 

 **savemepls** : ntq not my type too ugly

 

 **C1nnaMON** : Rude!!!!!!

 

 **SassQueen** : y does moniwa san talk only when someone is being rude

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : he never talks when someone is being rude to me

 

 **IlikeAdidas** : moniwa senpai picks sides

 

 **IlikeAdidas** : there was one time captain was being mean to me and he made him sit in a corner

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : holy shit

 

 **Malk** : oh my god someone more mom than sugawara san

 

 **PleaseShutUp** : im so done

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : welcome to my life

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : IM THE ONE THAT SHOULD BE SO DONE RN WTF

 

 **SassQueen** : go away Oikawa san

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : …..

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : bitch i am your captain

 

 **SassQueen** : im sorry

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : lmao oikawa pulling the captain card idk u were so weak oikawa

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : kindly fuck off mr refreshing

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : oh no he used the nickname

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : im gng to die

 

 **SassQueen** : rip suga 2k16

 

 **savemepls** : I cant believe the pretty ones are dead already

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : but youre not dead yet

 

 **savemepls** : are you hitting on me

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : oh no u found out

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : what am I ever sposed to do now

 

 **IlikeAdidas** : OH MY GOD!!!! DOES KENMA SAN LIKE HIM??????

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : _savemepls_  
                                     _ntq not my type too ugly_

                                    ARE YOU GOING BACK ON YOUR WORDS AKAASHI????

 

 **savemepls** : oh shit

 

 **SassQueen** : #exposingakaashi

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : hoes aint loyal

 

 **savemepls** : wow rude im not a hoe

 

 **SassQueen** : what are you then

 

 **savemepls** : glasses

 

 **savemepls** : bc I blind everyone I meet

 

 **C1nnaMON** : V, I am your biggest fan

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : wait you play MM??????

 

 **PleaseShutUp** : MYSTIC FUCKING MESSENGER

 

 **savemepls** : oh no

 

 **Malk** : here it goes…

 

 **imbetterthanu** : goddamn it this is what I feared

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : truth come out

 

 **PleaseShutUp** : DOES

 

 **C1nnaMON** : JUMIN HAN

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : IS GAY

 

 **IlikeAdidas** : what are they talking about?????

 

 **PleaseShutUp** : okay but for real though

 

 **Malk** : best if you don’t ask…..

 

 **PleaseShutUp** : the bad end for jumin isn’t even that bad????

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : wow I didn’t know u were into that kind of thing

 

 **C1nnaMON** : wait I need to know who u are so we can meet up and fanboy

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : kenma, nekoma

 

 **PleaseShutUp** : semi eita, shiratorizawa and yes lets meet up and go to korea

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : #triggered

 

 **C1nnaMON** : oh my god yesss btw im moniwa from datekou so ye Kenma san u gotta come to us

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : come onto u guys like how MC came onto Jaehee

 

 **SassQueen** : and then get #friendzoned lmao

 

 **PleaseShutUp** : you play too???? omg someone frm seijoh I can finally relate to

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : r00d

 

 **C1nnaMON** : this will be great

 

 **savemepls** : remind me to never go to miyagi for the next month

 

 **SassQueen** : yoosung is such a yandere tho???

 

 **PleaseShutUp** : I knew there was a catch as soon as I picked him

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : we all made that mistake

 

 **C1nnaMON** : he still cute though

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : true that

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : this is the gayest conversation ive ever seen

 

 **Malk** : there was one time Noya san talked about his sex life in the group chat

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : oh my god don’t remind me kageyama

 

 **imbetterthanu** : I hate all of u

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : too bad you’re stuck here

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : forever

 

 **savemepls** : hell is empty

 

 **SassQueen** : is it really if all of us are here

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : delete me from this

 

 **savemepls** : wake him up

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : WAKE HIM UP INSIDE

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : can’t wake up

 

 **savemepls** : SAVE HIM

 

 **IlikeAdidas** : CALL MY NAME AND SAVE HIM FROM THE DARRRKK

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : BID HIS BLOOD TO RUN

 

 **SassQueen** : CAN’T WAKE UP

 

 **IlikeAdidas** : BEFORE HE COMES UNDONE

 

 **savemepls** : SAVE HIM

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : SAVE HIM FROM THE NOTHING HE’S BECOMEEEEEE

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : that was beautiful

 

 **C1nnaMON** : 10 points to Gryffindor


	2. 방탄소년단

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> meowmeowmofo: Suga is so cute
> 
> ImNotKoreanFuckOff: wow thanks im flattered but im not into you that way
> 
> meowmeowmofo: who tf are you
> 
> meowmeowmofo: I meant Min Yoongi. Stage name Suga. Extremely lethargic unless on stage. Fav number is 3 and colour is white. Birthday is on 9 March and born in 1993 in Daegu. Hobby other than music is photography. Has an older brother. Likes his legs. loves meat. terrible at drawing.
> 
> Malk: what did I just read
> 
> meowmeowmofo: a masterpiece

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sup exams have been over like 2 months ago and i spent 2 months half-heartedly writing this bc i had no ideas (and was working on a AkaKen one shot //selfpromo//) BUT THEN its December and i got really into BTS like 2 weeks ago and honestly i can't help it
> 
> pls kill me now

**PleaseShutUp** : Where are you guys

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : I left the house 5 minutes ago

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : also I dragged Keiji along

 

 **savemepls** : Save Me Please

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : Oh my god are you guys really meeting up

 

 **IlikeAdidas** : it cant be that bad rite?!!!!!

 

 **savemepls** : it is. it really is.

 

 **C1nnaMON** : I’m reaching in 5 mins!!

 

 **SassQueen** : im reaching in 10

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : oh my god I can’t believe this is actually happening

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : also create a different group chat for this mystic messenger thing

 

 **PleaseShutUp** : don’t want to

 

 **SassQueen** : nah

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : too lazy

 

 **C1nnaMON** : I don’t know how

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : moniwa what

 

 **C1nnaMON** : What???

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : I found him. I found someone worse at handling technology than Daichi is

 

 **Malk** : Oh my god

 

 **C1nnaMON** : :(

 

 **savemepls** : Is he worse than Bokuto-san though

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : Is he worse than Kuro

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : why are all the captains like this

 

 **Malk** : ….

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : ……..

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : ……………………………..

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : I cant even see you guys rn but I feel you guys staring through the screen

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : and yes I am good at technology OKAY!!!

 

 **Malk** : um

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : tobio-chan shut up

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : no go on and say it

 

 **SassQueen** : say it

 

 **SassQueen** : say it out loud

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : Tobio-chan, I know where you live

 

 **Malk** : okay I’ll keep quiet

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : Kageyama, I know where you live

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : the battle of the senpais

 

 **SassQueen** : who will win Kageyama’s vote

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : find out in the next episode of Dragon Ball Z

 

 **Malk** : Oikawa-san accidentally deleted Iwaizumi-san’s contacts by accident and he didn’t know who was who anymore

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : I

 

 **Malk** : The other 3rd years pranked him by switching the names and stuff happened

 

 **SassQueen** : bless

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : I will find you and I will kill you Tobio-chan

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : I have like 10 stops left in this overcrowded hell train kill me now

 

 **savemepls** : I feel like I have a right to complain the entire way

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : you keep bringing attention to us shut up

 

 **savemepls** : wow if you have complaints tell it to my face, I’m right next to you

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : asshole

 

 **savemepls** : <3

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : _,^,_

 

 

Kenma half-heartedly glared at the man next to him, who in return smirked right back. Akaashi chuckled, gently patting Kenma’s head, “Don’t pout, it’ll give me the illusion that you’re cute.” Kenma swatted his hand away, “Are you implying I’m not cute?” Akaashi turned his attention back to his phone, idly scrolling through the group chat as the rest talked. “I didn’t say anything of that sort,” He replied distractedly.

 

 **savemepls** : he’s pouting

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : I am not

 

 **savemepls** : whatever u say

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : PICS!!!!

 

 **savemepls** : [sent an attached image]

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : its just a middle finger

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : yeah, my middle finger

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : but I wanted to see his pouty face :(

 

 **savemepls** : you told me to take a pic so I took one

 

 **SassQueen** : lmao rekt

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : Stop burning me I deal with this way too often than I should be

 

 **SassQueen** : Not often enough

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : BUT for real tho you guys are meeting up???

 

 **SassQueen** : [sent an attached image]

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : Akaashi looks so done im crying

 

 **Malk** : Why is this a thing

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : for once I agree with tobio-chan like why is this a thing

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : wow agreeing with tobio instead of being salty—breaking Newgrounds

 

 **savemepls** : I cant believe theyre dating. grats oikawa san and tobio

 

 **C1nnaMON** : When’s the wedding????

 

 **SassQueen** : I refuse to be the best man

 

 **PleaseShutUp** : I need to tell Ushiwaka so he can come

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : who proposed

 

 **savemepls** : have you guys had wild kinky honeymoon sex yet

 

 **C1nnaMON** : Can I be the godfather??

 

 **SassQueen** : When are you guys adopting bc I just LOVE children

 

 **PleaseShutUp** : Ushiwaka wants to be the best man and can I bring my entire team

 

_Alienfucker1234 has left the group_

_ImNotKoreanFuckOff added Alienfucker1234 into the group_

**Malk** : this was a bad idea

 

 **savemepls** : I hate this I’m being dragged around in a fucking store with so much Korean merchandise and since when can any of them speak Korean

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : #TRIGGERED

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : Suga is so cute

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : wow thanks im flattered but im not into you that way

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : who tf are you

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : I meant Min Yoongi. Stage name Suga. Extremely lethargic unless on stage. Fav number is 3 and colour is white. Birthday is on 9 March and born in 1993 in Daegu. Hobby other than music is photography. Has an older brother. Likes his legs. loves meat. terrible at drawing.

 

 **Malk** : what did I just read

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : a masterpiece

 

_ImNotKoreanFuckOff has left the group_

_Alienfucker1234 added ImNotKoreanFuckOff to the group_

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : If youre not letting me leave this hell, IM NOT LETTING YOU

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : fuck you

 

 **savemepls** : I cant believe theyre having an argument about what colour hair fits each member best

 

 **meomeowmofo** : I keep telling moniwa that mint suga is better than blonde suga but he wont agree with me tf

 

 **C1nnaMON** : Hey now just because I respect your opinions doesn’t mean I’m not going to argue against it

 

 **SassQueen** : #BlackSugar #BlondeV #BlackJimin

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : HECKING

 

 **PleaseShutUp** : Im so triggered who thought blonde V was a good thing

 

 **SassQueen** : im gng to Fight you once we get out of this store

 

 **C1nnaMON** : Orange Jimin is the best what are you smoking Yahaba

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : MINT SUGA

 

 **SassQueen** : WHY ARE ALL OF YOU AGAINST ME I DID NOTHING WRONG

 

 **savemepls** : Let Me Go Home.

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : but can we all agree PinkMon is BestMon

 

 **SassQueen** : YAS he slays with that pink hair

 

 **PleaseShutUp** : literally the only one that could rock pink hair

 

 **C1nnaMON** : True

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : please just create another chat for this omg

 

 **Malk** : I don’t understand anything anymore

 

 **savemepls** : omg why are you guys texting when we’re literally right next to each other

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : bc the author is lazy to type in paragraphs

 

 **betterthanu** : say what

 

 **IlikeAdidas** : What??>???//?>???

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : this chat is a fucking train wreck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank for reading
> 
> so idk how many chapters this shitpost of a fic will have but i'll try for at least 3 chapters??
> 
> honestly sometimes i'm Suga and most time times im Kenma.
> 
> //BTW the entire hair colour argument was an actual argument i had with a close friend. i disowned her so its cool//


	3. Pepe’s School for Fucking Memers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SassQueen: A TO THE G TO THE U TO THE STD
> 
> Alienfucker1234: WHAT SINCE WHEN DID U HAV STD YAHABA CHAN ARE U OKAY??????
> 
> C1nnaMON: omg
> 
> SassQueen: IM D BOY BECAUSE I’M FROM THE D
> 
> Alienfucker1234: WHO IS IT FROM??? I BET ITS FROM KYOUKEN THAT FUCKEN MUTT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly bts infires me
> 
> lmao im so lame this is literally a word vomit but with memes
> 
> i have like a week until school reopens and have not done half my stack of homework yet kms
> 
> i tried adding plot but failed

**Malk:** THE GRAND KING

 

**Malk** : THE EVIL OF THIS LAND

 

**Malk** : FUCKIGN FIGHT ME U DICK

 

**Malk** : I apologiIJAKSNHFKJB

 

**Malk** : uwOOAaHHHHHHHHHHH ALL THE SETTERS OMG

 

**Malk** : noot noot

 

**Malk** : sup nerds how y’all doin

 

**Alienfucker1234** : Jesus Christ On A Bike What The Fuck

 

**SassQueen** : what even???

 

**IlikeAdidas** : kageyama senpai?????? r u okay?????????

 

**Malk** : w0w some1 is callin kags senpai jfc wat am I dng with my life

 

**Malk** : HECKING #TRIGGERED

 

**IlikeAdidas** : ?????????????????????????????????????????? AM I NOT SUPPOSED TO???????

 

**Malk** : yo next time u see a bald dude in karasuno u gotta call that guy senpai

 

**Alienfucker1234** : who even are you?? this isn’t tobio chan

 

**Malk** : OIKAWA TOORU FUCKEN FIGHT ME

 

**Alienfucker1234** : new phone who dis

 

**SassQueen** : shit where’s sugawara when you need him

 

**ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : sup

 

**SassQueen** : speak of the devil and he shall appear

 

**ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : hey fuck you im an angel

 

**ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : the best angel

 

**ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : the purest

 

**Alienfucker1234** : seen 12:07 PM

 

**Alienfucker1234** : anyway whats gng on with tobio chan???

 

**meowmeowmofo** : where did he come from where did he go

 

**savemepls** : where did he come from cotton eye joe

 

**SassQueen** : wow showing concern for kageyama?????

 

**meowmeowmofo** : breaking Newgrounds Pt 2

 

**ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : Tanaka n Noya probably stole his phone lmao

 

**Malk** : SUP SUGADADDY

 

**ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : I’ll find you and I’ll end you.

 

**Alienfucker1234** : he was #Triggered

 

**Malk** : I’m back

 

**meowmeowmofo** : welcome back honey. how was the meeting.

 

**Malk** : tanaka san and noya san almost killed me but other than that it’s been fine

 

**savemepls** : wtf kenma are you cheating on me?!

 

**meowmeowmofo** : I’m sorry but I go to church now and im in love with jesus

 

**savemepls** : ….jesus?

 

**ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : IM CALLING ASAHI THAT SNIVELLING PIECE OF SHIT

 

**meowmeowmofo** : I need to stop the church talk before readers get triggered

 

**SassQueen** : what

 

**meowmeowmofo** : what

 

**savemepls** : btw have any of you seen the buzzfeed ‘know your meme’ kind of quiz

 

**meowmeowmofo** : its called ‘Only Tumblr Addicts Will Recognize 30/60 Of These Memes’ quiz you ignorant twat

 

**meowmeowmofo** : but ye I have and I recognized most of it

 

**savemepls** : where’s the 420, what are thoooooooooooooose, mr krabs reaction pic, supernatural gifs, I like your shoelaces, cheeky nandos and the Flash memes though

 

**Imbetterthanu** : I still can’t believe they are closet memers

 

**PleaseShutUp** : he has spoken

 

**meowmeowmofo** : DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNN

 

**savemepls** : wow that meme is old it isn’t dank anymore kenma

 

**meowmeowmofo** : says the one that mentioned the shoelace president and the Flash memes. honestly are you an old timer???

 

**savemepls** : Pardon?

 

**PleaseShutUp** : ….was that a very obscure BTS reference

 

**savemepls** : no?

 

**meowmeowmofo** : they’re finally growing up I’m so infires to steal your black underwear

 

**PleaseShutUp** : the references are real

 

**meowmeowmofo** : im always up for BTS and Chill

 

**savemepls** : Help Me.

 

**C1nnaMON** : Akaashi you got no jams

 

**savemepls** : fuck you I’m plenty fun

 

**C1nnaMON** : Omg you actually got that BTS meme. Kozume he really is growing up

 

**meowmeowmofo** : I’m so proud

 

**savemepls** : omf

 

**savemepls** : just kill me now

 

**PleaseShutUp** : where in the fuck are u at Shirabu Kenjirou.

 

**C1nnaMON** : Did he run away from home or something?

 

**PleaseShutUp** : He’s late to our club outing. 15 minutes late to be exact and everyone has been trying to contact him.

 

**C1nnaMON** : Omg so literally no one knows where he is? You can’t contact him or anything?

 

**PleaseShutUp** : No I can’t and Goshiki is freaking out because he’s convinced he’s dead or smth

 

**meowmeowmofo** : he with us tho

 

**PleaseShutUp** : say what now

 

**meowmeowmofo** : his phone is dead and he got lost at the station so we’re taking him to you guys

 

**PleaseShutUp** : thANK YOU SO MUCH

 

**PleaseShutUp** : also ‘we’?? is akaashi with u or smth

 

**meowmeowmofo** : np just get me that key chain next time

 

**meowmeowmofo** : hell ye he is. we’re gng to watch the pokemon movie in like an hour

 

**IlikeAdidas** : OMG IM GOING TO WATCH IT TOO but in my hometown :/

 

**meowmeowmofo** : damn we cdve watched together

 

**meowmeowmofo** : btw semi we’re reaching your location soon

 

**PleaseShutUp** : okok

 

* * *

 

As soon as Semi looked up from his phone, the trio was nearing his group of pals.

 

“Kozume! Akaashi! Wow you guys work fast.” Kenma gave a little wave and Akaashi nodded, while Shirabu averted his gaze.

 

Before Semi could scold his junior, Tendou had already brisk-walked-oddly ahead in the weird fashion of his.

 

“SHIRABU!! You were late! Also who are these 2?” He asked while Kenma backed away and grimaced.

 

“Don’t scare them too much Tendou,” Semi said and briefly introduced them. “This is Kozume Kenma, from Nekoma. The taller one is Akaashi Keiji from Fukurodani.”

 

“Oh and sorry for troubling you guys. If you’re heading in the same direction, want to come along with us?”

“I said it was no problem already and ye we’ll come along…ah but you still owe me the keychain. Kenjiro you owe me Starbucks.”

 

Shirabu made a mildly disgruntled noise while Akaashi protested.

 

“Oi what about me. I brought him here too.”

“You get nothing you cheater,” Kenma stuck out his tongue childishly and lightly punched the taller.

 

The group walked towards a park, Tendou loudly making comments while the rest added on. Semi and Shirabu walked behind with the closet memers.

 

* * *

 

**meowmeowmofo** : [sent an attached image]

 

**Alienfucker1234** : omg kenma looks dead inside

 

**savemepls** : bc he’s cold and hangry

 

**savemepls** : im hangry and cold

 

**Alienfucker1234** : what even is the difference

 

**savemepls** : the difference is that I put food before potential frostbite

 

**Alienfucker1234** : akaashi no

 

**savemepls** : akaashi yes

 

**meowmeowmofo** : he just wants to almost freeze to death and have a hot prince charming revive him with True Love’s Kiss

 

**savemepls** : hey if it worked in Frozen then I don’t see why not

 

**ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : …but wasn’t it true love from the /sister/

 

**ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : and the prince was the one who tried to kill anna anyway???

 

**savemepls** : **Sleeping Beauty

 

**ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : the prince raped her and she woke up bc of child birth tho

 

**savemepls** : ***Snow White

 

**ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : she only woke up bc she coughed out the poison apple

 

**savemepls** : ****beauty n beast

 

**ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : beastiality + Stockholm syndrome

 

**savemepls** : jfc stop ruining childhoods

 

**ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : hey I may be an angel but I am no saint

 

**Malk** : …asahi san?

 

**ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : omf

 

**savemepls** : okay but how bout 50 shades of fucked up

 

**meowmeowmofo** : /we don’t talk anymore/

 

**meowmeowmofo** : /we don’t talk anymore/

 

**meowmeowmofo** : /we don’t talk anymore like we used to do/ BECAUSE he wont shut up about how low key the kinky shit was

 

**Alienfucker1234** : jfc there are children in this chat pls stop

 

**IlikeAdidas** : What does kinky mean?????

 

**Malk** : my eyes

 

**C1nnaMON** : I will never think the same whenever someone says “I’ll show you the ropes around here”

 

**ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : kms

 

**ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : can we ban 50 shades of fucked up and any kinky shit in this chat

 

**savemepls** : this is a free country sugawara san

 

**ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : KMS

 

**SassQueen** : I’M SORRY

 

**Alienfucker1234** : for what??????

 

**SassQueen** : JIGEOPEUL JOENHYANGHAE

 

**SassQueen** : SABJILHANEUN GE YESAT

 

**Alienfucker1234** : what

 

**SassQueen** : POMI ANYA JEONHYANGHAE BOY

 

**SassQueen** : I’M SORRY

 

**SassQueen** : JINSHIMYA MIANHAE

 

**Alienfucker1234** : tf is going on

 

**Malk** : what

 

**ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : what is this

 

**SassQueen** : NI RAEBPEOG NA BODA MOTHANEUN GEOSE DAEHAE

 

**C1nnaMON** : savage

 

**Alienfucker1234** : tf did he just say

 

**SassQueen** : A TO THE G TO THE U TO THE STD

 

**Alienfucker1234** : WHAT SINCE WHEN DID U HAV STD YAHABA CHAN ARE U OKAY??????

 

**C1nnaMON** : omg

 

**SassQueen** : IM D BOY BECAUSE I’M FROM THE D

 

**Alienfucker1234** : WHO IS IT FROM??? I BET ITS FROM KYOUKEN THAT FUCKEN MUTT

 

**SassQueen** : NAN MICHINNOM BITEUWIYE RUNACHIK

 

**Alienfucker1234** : wait what

 

**ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : really just kill me now

 

**SassQueen** : RAEBEURO HONGKONGEUL BONAENEUN

 

**SassQueen** : MY TONGUE TECHNOLOGY

 

**meowmeowmofo** : MY TONGUE TECHNOLOGY

 

**meowmeowmofo** : ayyy lmao suga mvp

 

**Alienfucker1234** : the actual fuck?

 

**SassQueen** : sorry I just got really hyped up and normally I scream this at kenma but im feeling annoying today

 

**Alienfucker1234** : so u don’t have std????

 

**SassQueen** : what no I haven’t fucked anyone since I was a fetus

 

**ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : so u fucked someone when u were a fetus

 

**SassQueen** : ye man

 

**ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : /disgusting/ im disowning u

 

**Malk** : woaH these are a lot of setters

 

**Malk** : HI HELLO

 

**Alienfucker1234** : im feeling déjà vu

 

**Alienfucker1234** : But What The Actual Fuckery Is This

 

**Malk** : GRAND KING OIKAWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

**Alienfucker1234** : here I am in text whats up

 

**Malk** : oh nothing I just wanted to say hi

 

**Alienfucker1234** : what

 

**SassQueen** : omg someone that doesn’t want to fight Beauty Queen over there we must celebrate

 

**Malk** : i’ll lose if I fite him lmao

 

**Malk** : hes too short to fight him rip

 

**Malk** : gdi

 

**Alienfucker1234** : what is going on

 

**Malk** : its yams and tsukki and hinata hi

 

**Malk:** tsukki says to fuck off but he’s just mad he can’t get a shiny jangmo-oo

 

**ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : wow why are you guys tgt???

 

**Malk** : supposed to be studying but kags went to buy food, hinata got distracted, tsukki is pissed and I am Tired™

 

**SassQueen** : rip GL you’ll need it

 

**Malk** : thank I’ll try to keep my sanity in check

 

**Malk** : kags is back and he bought food so bye lmao

 

**Malk** : …I need to change my password

 

**meowmeowmofo** : looks into the camera like im on the office

 

**savemepls** : hello darkness my old friend

 

**ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : why are We Like This

 

**ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : and wow kozume you were slow on memeing

 

**meowmeowmofo** : What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you lesbean turtle? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in Pepe’s School for Fucking Memers, and I’ve been involved in numerous Meme-offs on stage, and I have over 300 confirmed roasts. I am trained in Gorilla Fanfare and I’m the top memer in the entire Memetastic Fources. You are nothing to me but just another Iggy Azalea. I will roast you the fuck out with memes the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Bee Movie? Think again, fluffy chicken. As we speak my hands are shaking as I hack and the science side of tumblr is explaining right now so you better prepare for the Meme Team, Dick Game Diego. The team that wipes out the pathetic smol thing you call your life. You’re fucking died, moreos. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can roast you in over 707 ways, and that’s just with my bare yaoi hands. Not only am I extensively trained in inprepared Meme-offs, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the American Fuckhole Meme Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your white boy sexting ass off the face of the sun, you Tony the Tiger. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have kissed me with your hecking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the receipt, you goddamn left shark. I will shit minimalist Pepes all over you and you will be lit in it. You’re fucking dieded, Lightning Mcqueen.

 

**ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : This Is My Life. These Are My Choices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> t h a n k
> 
> honestly this is stress relief and my back is aching and im having a mid-life crisis i dont want to die young
> 
> in like 2 chapters prob everyone knows im a suga stan fml
> 
> bode


	4. Suffering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SassQueen: I can count on my 2 paws the number of times vmon interacted wts
> 
> SassQueen: omg
> 
> Alienfucker1234: yahaba chan I didn’t know you were like this
> 
> ImNotKoreanFuckOff: omg
> 
> savemepls: omg
> 
> meowmeowmofo: omg
> 
> Alienfucker1234: omg
> 
> meowmeowmofo: /////yahaba's a fucken furry//////////

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YALL THOT I WAS DEAD
> 
> well u were rite
> 
>  
> 
> im swimming in homework kms

**meowmeowmofo** : Please Stab Me Now

 

 **savemepls** : pretty ones should never die unless you’re a character in GOT

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : I feel like im on GOT

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : there is war outside where im at

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : someone take me away from here already fml

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : Honey what’s wrong??

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : don’t ‘’’honey’’’’ me im Death resurrected

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : also its PE that’s why

 

 **savemepls** : same

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : You’re in a volleyball club?? PE means nothing??????

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : Volleyball =/= being good at sports

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : Sports is a whole new world of its own

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : Running is another world of its own too

 

 **savemepls** : kenma u run every club training

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : JUST BECAUSE I RUN DOESN’T MEAN I RUN FAST

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : WHO THE HELL THOUGHT A HUMAN BEING COULD RUN 2.4KM IN 10 MINUTES

 

 **savemepls** : he might stab a bitch at this rate

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : how r u even using your phone during lesson anyway

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : oh Im hiding in the washroom that’s why

 

 **savemepls** : nice

 

 **SassQueen** : damn I shdve thought of that

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : can yall stop using your phones in class omg

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : ^^^^ says the one typing

 

 **savemepls** : fuck school rules I need sleep wake me up when oikawa dates ushijima bye

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : but why

 

 **SassQueen** : that is awfully specific

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : I WILL NEVER DATE USHIWAKA WHAT THE FUCK AKAASHI

 

 **SassQueen** : ʷʰʸ ᵗʰᵉ fᵘͨᵏ ʸºᵘ crʸʸʸ'ⁿ, ʷʰʸ ʸºᵘ ᵃˡwᵃʸˢ crʸʸy'ⁿ, ᵐᵐᵐᵐᵐm ºʰ ᵐʸ ᵍºᵈ ˢᵗºp fᵘͨᵏ'ⁿ crʸʸʸ'ⁿ

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : SHUT UP YAHABA CHAN

 

 **SassQueen** : #ushioi #isreal #otp #brotp #lovehate #omg #love

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : yall iwaoi is real I mean the childhood friend trope Cannot Be Stopped

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : SAY WHAT

 

 **SassQueen** : bitch wanna go

 

 **savemepls** : how about both

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : keiji u betraYER

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : I THOUGHT WE WERE BESTEST OF BUDS

 

 **savemepls** : im multishipper trash u cant stop me

 

 **SassQueen** : you and your goddamn jikooks and vmons smh smh

 

 **savemepls** : hey fuck you they are perfectly good ships

**SassQueen** : I can count on my 2 paws the number of times vmon interacted wts

 

 **SassQueen** : omg

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : yahaba chan I didn’t know you were like this

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : omg

 

 **savemepls** : omg

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : omg

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : omg

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : /////yahaba's a fucken furry//////////

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : its no wonder you like kyouken I shdve known

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : im such a failure as a captain

 

 **savemepls** : its fine oikawa, furries like to hide. its never easy to identify them. its not your fault

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : its okay yahaba chan, we’ll support you and still be your friends no matter what

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : I will never kinkshame my friends

 

 **savemepls** : u fucken liar u kinkshamed me when I said smth about electricity

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : shocking yourself and liking it is p fucken kinky and dangerous I have every right

 

 **SassQueen** : GUYS IM NOT A FURRY

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : YOU LIAR JUST TRY EXPLAINING ALL OF YOUR DOG MERCHANDISE

 

 **SassQueen** : I JUST LIKE DOGS OKAY

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : and dog collars

 

 **savemepls** : leashes

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : petting

 

 **savemepls** : ////heavy petting

 

 **SassQueen** : PLEASE STOP

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : bitch now u know how I feel

 

 **C1nnaMON** : Guys do you think eggplants are good substitutes for bananas??

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : Oh my god

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : this is perfect

 

 **SassQueen** : what is with this timing

 

 **C1nnaMON** : Why did I do that omg I sent that to the wrong group

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : gdi moniwa

 

 **savemepls** : why do I have these kind of friends

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : who said we were your friends

 

 **savemepls** : if u let me use your computer I don’t see why we aren’t Best Buds

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : tru

 

 **SassQueen** : damn that’s some high level friendship

 

 **savemepls** : thank. it runs on the pure idiocy of our captains

 

 **C1nnaMON** : Guys I Might Scream

 

 **IlikeAdidas** : ??????????????????????????????????????????

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : woah whats up mons

 

 **C1nnaMON** : I have like 2 hours left until I need to get to Art remedial

 

 **C1nnaMON** : But here I am, helping out separating level t-shirts for a cohort that //isn’t even mine// bc I’m a good person

 

 **savemepls** : A novel by Moniwa Kaname

 

 **C1nnaMON** : I could be like, idk, doing all of my holiday homework now

 

 **C1nnaMON** : or asking questions about moles because I can’t do chemistry

 

 **C1nnaMON** : is this what they call ‘giving back to the community’

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : rip mons

 

 **IlikeAdidas** : ITS OKAY MONIWA SENPAI!!!!! YOU’LL GET THROUGH IT!!!!!!!

 

 **C1nnaMON** : Thanks honey

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : good luck

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : how long even is your art rem

 

 **C1nnaMON** : like until 6 so around 5 hours

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : JESUS

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : damn I cant even watch television for that long

 

 **savemepls** : that’s a lie

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : shit youre right

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : my art rem is like 3 hours

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : sometimes I forget suga chan is an art student

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : only bc im art itself

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : get some glasses boi

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : says the guy that bought glasses just bc the cute cashier asked if you were getting anything and you got flustered

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : SHUT UP THAT WAS ONE TIME

**SassQueen** : this chat is basically exposing oikawa

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : I HATE YOU ALL

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : luv u 2 babe

 

 **Malk** : um

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : sup my dearest junior

 

 **Malk** : I may or may not have seen something I should not have

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : what

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : wat

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : wad

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : WHAT

 

 **Malk** : UM

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : spill the beans kagss

 

 **Malk** : tsukishima and yamaguchi were super close

 

 **Malk** : like rlly close

 

 **Malk** : physically close

 

 **Malk** : I think they were kissing

 

 **Malk** : tsukishima saw me and smirked??

 

 **Malk** : im lost and confused and pissed someone please help me

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : damn kuro gon b pissed as hellll

 

 **savemepls** : damn bokuto san is gon be happy

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : TSUKKIYAMA IS CANON IM SO HAPPY

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : I KNEW MY GAY SONS WILL SURVIVE

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : Christ

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : damn when am I gon break the news to him

 

 **savemepls** : damn when am I gon break the news to him

 

 **Malk** : im still confused

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : boi so am I

 

 **savemepls** : same

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : basically they are dating

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : or fwb idk but I don’t think pure yams will do that

 

 **Malk** : oh

 

 **Malk** : okay that’s fine

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : whats not fine isthat kuro might cry

 

 **savemepls** : should I bring bokuto san over

 

 **savemepls** : he might make things worse tho

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : just warn him

 

 **savemepls** : k b there in 10 go get kuro

 

 **Malk** : ???

 

 **C1nnaMON** : someone tell the full story so I can read it after rem

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : ye same

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : SPILL GUYS

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : so basically kuro has a crush on tsukki

 

 **Malk** : omg

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : I mean I don’t think its that deep but I think its that deep

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : I mean its enough to put tsukishima as his laptop wallpaper

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : ….and I guess his laptop icon

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : but it should be purely infatuation

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : he has a thing for blonde dudes in glasses

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : damn that’s kinky

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : and what??? I didn’t know of this???????? kuro never mentions anything in the captain grp????

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : he only told his friends grp aka me akaashi bokuto and yaku

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : shit man

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : oh and please keep this a secret

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : ofc damn this is harsh

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : I feel bad for him

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : human emotions are complicated my guy

 

 **savemepls** : oh and bokuto san has a crush on kuro so ye

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : daaammnnnnn this is some drama

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : ye man

 

 **Malk** : deepest condoleenses

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : tq b back in like a week

 

 **savemepls** : same

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : what why

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : it’ll take that long for him to get over it

 

 **Alienfucker1234** : yall are treating this as though its usual

 

 **savemepls** : because it is lmao

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : as regular as the Regular Show

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : ///don’t mention that trash in my house/////////

 

 **SassQueen** : THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT SHOW OKAY

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : NOT ALL OF US ENJOY CHILDISH HUMOUR YAHABA

 

 **SassQueen** : WOW R00D IM CALLING YOUR PARENTS YOURE GONNA GET DETENTION

 

 **ImNotKoreanFuckOff** : FITE ME

 

 **savemepls** : all around me are familiar faces

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : worn out places

 

 **savemepls** : worn out faces

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : bright and early for their daily races

 

 **savemepls** : going nowhere

 

 **meowmeowmofo** : going nowhere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which i am moniwa
> 
> truly the struggles of being a nice person and an art student (whatever happened to moniwa happened to me honestly just drown me)
> 
> EDIT: tfw yahobo and shirabae are basically the same person to me
> 
> thank you lord and saviour. son of odin. son of Sugawara Koushi himself. [butguys_dragons] for telling me I mixed up yahaba and shirabu half way through

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe y'all actually read this y'all are trashy as I am oh my god
> 
> In any case, tq for reading this trash that I kinda regret bc I'm neglecting my exams but whatever. Who studies for Art anyway
> 
> I might make more of this if I've got the time after exams...for now it'll be set on complete though, so I'm sorry
> 
> Also in case some don't get the screen names:
> 
>  
> 
> ImNotKoreanFuckOff: Suga (kudos to you for getting that BTS reference)
> 
> Alienfucker1234: Oikawa (tbh he would)
> 
> savemepls: Akaashi (wAKE HIM UP)
> 
> meowmeowmofo: Kenma (lmao)
> 
> C1nnaMON: Moniwa (roll)
> 
> PleaseShutUp: Semi (lmao)
> 
> imbetterthanu: Shirabu (lama)
> 
> IlikeAdidas: Koganegawa (his hair. his goddamn hair)
> 
> SassQueen: Yahaba (LMAO)
> 
> Malk: Kags (m i l k)


End file.
